It's no secret to anyone who knows me how I struggle to find a place where my interests and a life's work could meet. Earlier this week, while conversing with a new employee, Kevin said to me, "Wow, it sounds like you're kinda indecisive," after hearing about all the trials and unfinished business of my 20s. I agreed with him at first. I've agreed with all the people who've ever said that about me. (Sometimes I'm too agreeable of a person.) But there's a part of me lately that's been thinking: maybe that's only a small part of my problem.
I love so many things! So many things bring me joy that I can imagine doing too many things with my life. Further, I can never imagine choosing only one thing for a career - that would never be enough. When I dedicate myself to just one thing, after a while it starts to feel like I'm leaving all the other important stuff out. And I don't think people are meant to do that. We are meant to have broad, many-faceted lives.
Four weeks ago today, I went to a new church for the first time. I haven't missed a Sunday since (except for the time I asked God for some financial help during the holidays and I received a 12-hr overtime opportunity - on Sunday). Today's sermon is one I wish that all of you could make time to listen to.
I leave church today wondering if all of those colleges, all of those career paths that I left because it just "didn't feel right," weren't so much "Amanda being indecisive" as it was God speaking: "Amanda, this is not where I call you." I never wanted to be an opera singer - but I do want to sing. I never really wanted to be a nurse. I think I needed all this time to dig deeper and find those other facets, "silly" or "impractical" as they may be, that make my heart overflow. I'm certainly not any less confused about how to fit all these unique facets of myself into my life. (Lord help me, but is there a career that involves singing, cooking, studying how the body works, writing about life, speaking 3 or 4 languages, and animals? All out in the woods?) But today I started to find some peace about it. And that has been a long time coming.
I went to Woodland Hills a few times in college, and I know some people who go there today. Ironically, Greg Boyd debated my pastor, John Piper, at my college on Open Theism. Their church's are both in the Baptist General Conference, but some of their views are very different.
ReplyDeleteI've always been amazed at all of your talents in music, cooking, medicine, languages, and writing. I think your right that it hasn't been about indecision for you.
I know I have said this before,
ReplyDeleteI think you could do some amazing things as a Music Therapist.?.
This sermon was absolutely incredible. Wow. Thank you for leading me to it. I needed to hear it. And I think I should listen to it again and again. Thank you!
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