I'm not an incubator

I was listening to a friend relay a conversation he'd had with another of his friends a while back. This other friend has reached the point in his life where he is ready for a family, and he is in what sounded to me like a good relationship. But the comment that got repeated to me was, "I want a child, I just don't want the incubator." I suppose I am just so used to hearing words like this directed at women that it rolled off me without comment. So why am I still thinking about it a month later?

I have been avoiding writing this blog because I know that when you read words on a page, rather than being able to hear the sadness in my voice were I to read it, you will only see another diatribe by one of those bitter woman. People - mostly men, but even some women - don't understand the hopelessness felt by myself and so many other women when we think about meeting someone, when we dream of having a family someday. We know that we won't be valued for our loving and generous hearts. We know that our bodies won't be seen as the miracles they are. What we do know, because we hear it so often, is that we ought to look and act like mindless Barbies, "18-year-old Russian orphans," and now, that we're nothing more than an incubator. Youthful, naive, exotic, beautiful, and completely reliant on you. Just a body that must be had for sex, tolerated as we clean & cook for you, a route to a child.

In a related vein, I recently read the People magazine with Christina Aguilera on the cover. In the article, she commented on how her pregnancy and the delivery of her son gave her "such an appreciation of the power of the female body." True dat, Christina. However, I wonder how much appreciation you could really have, when you had a scheduled Caesarean to avoid "all that tearing and pain and stuff." You didn't listen to your miraculous body at all.

Why must we always give, but never expect to receive? (That would make us "demanding.") Handle everything, but don't ask anything of him. (controlling) Why must we never expect to be noticed? (needy) Why can't we cry? (God forbid: weak or emotional) Why should I not be female? Why must I be strong of body, tough of spirit, makeup- and fashion-less so that the wrong person doesn't find me attractive, alone in the back of that rig? Why do the men I work with feel that the women should do their cleaning chores - like we're the ones that pee on the floor?

Men should marry other men, then. Since they eschew femaleness. Then no one will ever ask you to listen, love, or come through for them. Realize though, that you won't get anything you want out of a relationship either, then .

I want to be a girl - that's what I am. I want to be valued for it. I think I'm in the wrong century, culture, or career for that though.