Donating

I had planned on going to yoga class after work, but that plan changed... 

I felt a lot of things when I learned I couldn't be a bone marrow donor - mostly profound disappointment.  I know that my bone marrow had a miniscule chance of being a match for my friend, but the thought that it might save anyone's life was a gift I wanted to pay forward, particularly in gratitude toward the donors who kept Sharon with us for four more years.  But, break the wrong bones, and they don't want to take your marrow.

Having seen her receive several transfusions each week made me think of donating blood in her honor, but I just didn't get to it this summer.  Last week, when my microbiology professor offered blood donation as an extra credit opportunity for those of us working adults who couldn't get to daytime conferences, I received the kick in the pants I needed. 

I went online at work yesterday and found the number.  Because I had procrastinated as far as the extra credit was concerned, and because I was clueless about how this works, I was doubtful they'd have room for me in the upcoming day. To my pleasure and surprise, the excitement of the woman who answered the phone was palpable, and she got me in as soon as I could arrive after work.

I felt really positive, so I was a little surprised when I got in my car after work and had to sit there and cry for a minute.  I began to imagine her energy as a bright little ball of love, which I held in the palm of my hand, cupped against my heart as I drove to the clinic.

The woman who began my screening process asked me, as I'd been wondering if she would, what brought me in.  She was kind of rough-around-the-edges, very business-like and obviously just going through the motions.  But even though I was telling myself, "This woman's probably heard every sad story in the world," I told her this one.  Some of my favorite moments in life are when people stop and listen, and the softness that came into her eyes as I spoke told me she had connected with my story.  Our story. 

I sat in my comfy chair and showed her where my gorgeous left AC pops up, which made her laugh.  (That's the big vein in the crook of your elbow for non-medical people...and yes, big veins are gorgeous to those who look for them regularly.)  I apologized for probably making her nervous as I watched everything she did and asked a ton of questions about what happens to my blood once it leaves my arm, which she seemed happy to answer.  (Are most people not so curious? Weird.)  A second tech who came to help her asked for my story as well, and tears came to her eyes as I spoke.  She laid her land on my shoulder and said, "Stories like that are the reason I come to work every day."

I'm not sure how to describe how it felt to watch this incredible, life-giving substance travel through the tubing and down into the familiar bag labeled "Volunteer Donor."  It felt like my energy, my soul, was also being released; love was flowing down and into that little bag.  I thought of how crucial those infusions were for my friend, and how painless and easy it was for me to give up just this one pint.  One unit.  One little bag.  By 7pm tonight, my blood volume will be restored.  This body, which I take for granted just about every day when I think about it, will have already replaced the plasma lost.  In 36-56 days, my red bone marrow will have replaced the millions of red blood cells that I could afford to lose yesterday.

I didn't get weak or dizzy.  I felt the pain of the needle stick and no more.  I don't even have a bruise.  I got a little winded with some sparkles in my vision as I did some inverted yoga poses with little Alexis last night, but they DID warn me about that and it was the extent of my suffering. 

For an extra day of life for someone, it sure seems like nothing.

I guess how I feel today is that...I still really miss my friend.  So much is going on in my life right now that I wish I could talk through with her.  But for the most part, I'm grateful for my big, deep heart, pain though it causes me sometimes.  I'm so grateful for this healthy body, for a great blood pressure of 108/66, a healthy hemoglobin of 13.0, and bone marrow that works. 

And the fact that on any other day, I never have to worry about any of this for a mere second when I get up and go about my day.

My little poke mark.