Boulder

The idea began a couple years ago, when I first discovered the somatic counseling psychotherapy at Naropa University in Boulder, CO.

Then, I went to Estes Park to do yoga in the mountains for four days.  Four days of heaven: wandering around the lodge at dusk, headlights floating their way down the mountainside, beautiful vegetarian food, bumping into world renown teachers as if they were old friends, and kirtan floating through the air.  One of my roommates, Rachael (who took the profile photo on this blog), gave me her business card and said, "If you've ever in Boulder, make sure you stop and stay for a couple days."

Getting on that plane home was one of the saddest things I've ever chosen to do.  When I flew out to San Diego in August, the pilot announced our passing over Denver and did the same on the way home.  Of all the places to announce, did this have to be the only one?  And both times?  I actually cried on each trip; all I wanted to do was jump out the window.

Turns out my favorite bread from the coop is from a bakery in Boulder.

I recently signed up for free meditation downloads from Sounds True, which I later learned is based in Boulder.

The Zen alarm clock that I've wanted for years turns out to be made by a company founded and operating out of - Boulder.

I purchased a Groupon for Core Power yoga and spent a lot of October there.  Where did Core Power start?  Colorado.  Eight times out of ten, when I brought up the website to check the studio schedule, guess which studio came up as the default?  Boulder.  (No, it's not the flagship studio, and it's not alphabetically first.)  When I called the Grand Ave studio for information (a 651 area code), the people who called me back were from area code 303.  Guess where?  Colorado.

Several of the vehicles in the lot at my evening class had Colorado plates - I had to see them each time I went and even a couple times during day time classes.  A Colorado plate passed me on the way to Pine a few weeks ago, and two Colorado plates passed me on the way to breakfast in Loring Park last weekend.  Driving home late last night, the only other vehicle on the road: Colorado.  Just today, on my way to WI, a Colorado plate goes whizzing by.

For months now I pass a billboard on the way to work advertising for Colorado.  They started changing it a few weeks ago but guess what - it's still an ad for Colorado, just for skiing now instead of hiking in the mountains.  As if it wasn't already difficult enough to go to work...

Good Lord, I even got a spam mailing the other day from prAna.  They're based in California, but just when I thought I was off the hook, I see that their first store listing, page one...do I even have to say it?

The people at the table next to us at Perkins tonight were talking about the University of Northern Colorado.

I did some research before starting school this semester about Colorado residency requirements.  I knew I wanted to go and still do.  Because the requirements are so strict and the tuition differences so marked, I felt I had no choice but to finish grad school here.  But, when I'm done in two short years, I hope Colorado is still calling.  I have a tendency to think the Universe is speaking to me when these things happen, but so far I've been wrong every time.  When I've thought I was obeying Wisdom, turns out I was making a mistake.  I no longer know how to trust what the world is telling me.  I can't say that I believe a god has anything to do with it anymore.

But this is getting beyond ridiculous.  It's a stab through my heart every time.

I get the feeling I belong in Boulder.

--

And the air that I am breathing
is the breeze of what could be,
as I stand here looking out
on all the things that could be Me.

And the road that goes before me,
leading somewhere out of sight,
is a brand new opportunity
for me to get it right.

Oh the possibilities in this beginning I have made!
I am ready!
I am excited!
but reluctant.
and afraid.

Afraid that starting something new leaves something old behind.
Afraid that what I seek is something I may never find.
Or, if I find it, that it won't be what I want at all.
That what I've left behind is what I needed after all.

Beginning can be bittersweet, and hard to comprehend.
It can mean that some sweet, precious part of life is at an end.
And the heart can feel so hollow when it has to say good-bye
that the thought of starting over is too hard to even try.

But when I reach the end, when all my days are through,
I will not want to look back on all the things I didn't do,
Nor regret the joys and passions of the me that might have been,
if only I had found the simple courage to begin.

And the end?

It's out there, somewhere, farther than the heart can see.
And the power that will take me there
is Here,
inside of Me.

~ excerpted from Beginning by Warren Hanson