Coffee and sandwiches

Near the end of our shift on Thursday, my partner and I took a transfer to the U.  I was dragging and desperately wanted another coffee, I asked him to swing by the nummy little coffee shop by the yoga studio I've started attending.  Walking across the street, I automatically smiled at two people sitting in the doorway of the next door restaurant.  They didn't smile back, and that's when I noticed the cardboard signs in their hands.

They were homeless, but I was pretty much past them by the time I'd realized it.  And I went inside, pondering how that made me feel as I ordered my sugar free caramel latte.  And a muffin to go with it. And then, because I felt bad for not having cash and making them run a [credit!] card, I tacked on a heart-shaped homemade PB cup.  You know, because I was lonely on Valentine's day, I was exhausted, I was sore...I deserved it.

I crossed the street, avoided looking at them, and got back in the truck.  I kept looking at the bag in my lap.  I looked several times at the yoga studio - a very affordable studio, but still a privilege.  There was a definite thoughtfulness surrounding every sip of my second purchased coffee of the day.

-- 

"Why it was so fascinating for me with yoga was for the first five years of my practice it was really about the physical, about getting into my body and into my breath.  I didn't even think about it in terms of spiritual transformation or even social, practical transformation - it was just a way to release tension.  But once the tension began to release I began to feel (emphasis mine), and it was that vulnerability that allowed me to step back and see the world through a much broader lens.  And so the embodied practice is just one of the tools we use as a way to create a sustainable practice for outreach.  Yoga, meditation, prayer, a proper diet - anything that's going to help to bring you back into your center - is going to allow you to engage with more empathy rather than reaction.  And so the physical practice of yoga was instrumental to my own transformation." ~ Seane Corn

--

I couldn't let it go.  I asked my partner if he would listen as I talked though it out loud - he's a pretty grounded guy who's good for thoughtful conversation.  I don't hand out money without knowing what it is goes for, but truly, why, when I was charging another coffee and unnecessary treat for myself, did I not buy those people a cup of coffee?  Muffins of their own on Valentine's Day, or even a sandwich?  It probably would have been the nicest, most loving thing someone did for them all day.  It would have cost me next to nothing - I was charging my own treat!  I can't do everything, but I can do something.  I can't fix the world, but I can embody kindness to those the Universe places in front of me.

My partner understood what I was trying to say, but then offered that when he looks at his paycheck - the extra taxes, the money we're forced to save for our own health care, that it was hard to believe they had no options.  And I get that - I feel that way too when I see a quarter of my paycheck disappear every two weeks. 

But still - coffee and sandwiches?  That's nothing.  And it could have been everything.

Like my wise teacher, I have begun to feel.  Really feel.  Counter intuitively, that can make life a lot more difficult to bear.