Yesterday, I cried

Yesterday, I cried.

I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.

I'm telling you,
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on
the floor at my feet.

I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry.

I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and discon-
nected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me
the same things I had already done to myself.

I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them
away, to people in circumstances,
which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left
for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.

I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.

I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a little girl, and
because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do, and
because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until I ached.

Yesterday I cried.

I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.

I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.

I cried because it was too late. I cried because it was time.

I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything I needed to know.

I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.

It felt so very, very bad.

In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,

Because,
Yesterday I cried,
with an agenda.

~ Iyanla VanZant