Appearances

I like coming home to no messes, so I try to do all my housework on the day BEFORE I start my long 5-day work stretch - i.e. last Friday. So when I got a call today at work asking if a 4:30pm showing would be okay, I felt really good: floors were vacuumed or swept, bathroom was scrubbed, and laundry was folded and put away - no worries!

I walked in tonight and found myself seeing my home as an outsider might see it. Someone who doesn't know the woman who lives here.

A "cabin" living room with a sparkling Christmas tree still in the corner. A piano stacked with every type of music from Broadway to Tori Amos. Pictures of me with my sister in San Diego, with my brother at Mall of America, with Jean - hamming it up in a cemetery.

...a leaf-themed bathroom with candles on the bathtub. Aromatherapy bottles in a wicker basket. An affirmation taped to the mirror that reminds me that being a size 14 is normal...and beautiful.

...a simple bedroom haven. Heirloom pillows against a log headboard. A dog kennel and an ironing board. More affirmations about overcoming an embittering past on the mirror.

...a ridiculously organized office with a picture of three grown-up, smiling siblings. An Italian phrase calendar. A quote about stress and hilarious ways to relieve it. More sheet music and a huge assortment of books - medicine, music, languages, literature, poetry, mystery, Harry Potter, grief and trauma.

How does my home speak of my life? Did they think that an educated yet spiritual and somewhat eclectic woman of widely-varied interests lives here? Maybe they didn't wonder which and how many woundings would make a woman surround herself with so much encouragment, so many calming spaces and words.

Then I walked into my kitchen. I was having a little pity party on Saturday night, feeding my face instead of just crying when I wanted to. So in my relentlessly determined and self-motivating fashion, I made little Post-It notes to put on my cupboards:

"Your body has been through enough. Is it about being thin or is it about loving yourself?""Are you hungry? Or just bored? Do you need to cry instead?""Is useless self-pity worth forfeiting all your hard work?"

I am grateful that I haven't lost the ability to laugh at myself - it's merely a CRAZY woman who lives here!

Do I really care what they thought? LMAO...no! I just hope they want to buy my house!