Potrei toccare il cielo con un dito!

Today marks one month until my 29th birthday and I'm sitting here thinking about change. Emma and I went for a 2-mile jog today and I could have sang and celebrated the entire way, basking in this beautiful weather. From 4-foot snowdrifts last week to 55 degrees and soggy grass. The world changes so quickly.

When I was one month away from my 28th birthday - well, you've read the blogs. More so, you've stood by me. I barely recognize that woman these days. A year can feel like forever, but it can pass in a mere flash. "The years teach much which the days never know." Life changes quickly.

I sat at my piano a while back, reading a new song. I became so involved that I lost my place in the score. I looked up in frustration and realized that my hands were still playing. I sat there watching, stunned. (Are those my hands?) I jerked away from the keyboard and caught myself asking, "What is coming through me?" I further realized that I had been playing the song in a different key than it is written - sight-transposing - and my hands just knew where to go. I came to the sudden realization that the music is already here, and always has been. A degree or a certain path of training doesn't prove it or validate it. I may have "failed" at an incredible opportunity back then, and I may still have "not finished what I started," but this gift continues to grow in me, forever and regardless of externals. Every day that passes since, I find myself more and more set free by this knowledge.

That same week I spoke to a friend about the self-designed interdisciplinary degrees offered at the U. As I hedged about which of many interests to delve into, she broke into a smile with, "You know what the great thing is, Amanda? You can do it all!" I thought, "Really?" A new friend on MySpace reads my page for the first time and writes, "Your courage is so evident in how you express yourself." Courage? A friend refers to my "sweet spirit." Sweet? A friend asks me about medical school with unobligated simplicity: "Do you think you'll go?" Are you kidding me?

Has it really been other people who don't take me seriously? I don't think so anymore. Of course we all doubt ourselves and make mistakes as we go. Maybe that doesn't make me anything other than merely human. And so, maybe anything is still worth wanting.

I'm sitting here thinking about one long but fleeting year. I'm also staring at an antique brass mortar & pestle. It belonged to a pharmacist - my grandma's mother. (Isn't that awesome? A woman, way back then...) Before I'd ever come to believe that I should be a doctor or an accomplished musician, I'd wanted to be a pharmacist for several years. (This memory has been quite a surprise to me, although I know my co-workers are going, "Duh!") An heirloom, gifted to a fearless and excited child, long-forgotten until I was reminded of it last night. Just awaiting its time in my mother's care.

There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.

Maybe I will go. Maybe I'm already on my way.
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{The literal translation of the Italian means, "I could touch the sky with a finger!" The English translation would be, "I am SO thrilled/ecstatic/overjoyed!"}