Friday, June 10, 2011

Thoughts from a course about love

I listened to this online introductory seminar a couple months ago, then promptly forgot about it until I found my sheet of notes today.  These are good questions - certainly not the only questions or even the most important questions, but good questions - to consider as I try to open my heart again.
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Where did I give my power away?

How did I abandon myself long before anyone else ever did?

How do I disappear to myself?

Old agreements...Am I still honoring my marriage vows?  Have I promised to never hurt like that again?

So much better at seeing and coming under other people's needs instead of my own.
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In my core self, I believe:

I am alone.  I am unworthy.  I am not safe.

Men always leave...always disappoint.

A conscious, committed person can't have love?  Marriage is a trap?  Men can't handle or meet a woman's demands?

I must move from trying/wishing/praying for love to becoming a generator of love - becoming the source of what I wish to experience.

It's not, "What are you looking for in a man, but what do I desire most within my relationship?  What do I want to contribute to the relationship?  To the universe?"

How do I need to grow myself...who do I need to be to create this relationship for myself?

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